NFC EAST |
NFC NORTH |
NFC WEST |
NFC SOUTH |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Philadelphia Eagles |
13-3 |
Minnesota Vikings |
11-5 |
Arizona Cardinals |
9-7 |
Carolina Panthers |
10-6 |
Dallas Cowboys |
7-9 |
Chicago Bears* |
9-7 |
St. Louis Rams |
7-9 |
Atlanta Falcons* |
9-7 |
New York Giants |
7-9 |
Detroit Lions |
8-8 |
Seattle Seahawks |
5-11 |
New Orleans Saints |
7-9 |
Washington Redskins |
5-11 |
Green Bay Packers |
6-10 |
San Francisco 49ers |
5-11 |
Tampa Bay Buccaneers |
5-11 |
*Wild Card Winner
AFC EAST |
AFC NORTH |
AFC WEST |
AFC SOUTH |
||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
New York Jets |
10-6 |
Baltimore Ravens |
12-4 |
Denver Broncos |
9-7 |
Indianapolis Colts |
12-4 |
New England Patriots* |
10-6 |
Pittsburgh Steelers* |
10-6 |
Oakland Raiders |
8-8 |
Houston Texans |
9-7 |
Buffalo Bills |
7-9 |
Cincinnati Bengals |
9-7 |
Kansas City Chiefs |
7-9 |
Jacksonville Jaguars |
8-8 |
Miami Dolphins |
7-9 |
Cleveland Browns |
5-11 |
San Diego Chargers |
5-11 |
Tennessee Titans |
6-10 |
*Wild Card Winner
Without Terrell Owens, the Eagles are still the class of the NFC. With T.O., the Eagles have to be considered the favorites to win Super Bowl XL. The Eagles return 20 of 22 starters, and have excellent depth at every position except tight end. With six games against the weak NFC East, and four against the embarassing NFC West, the road to Detroit will almost certainly lead through Lincoln Financial Field. The Eagles' only significant offseason need was for a 2-minute offense, and I trust that Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb will have figured that one out by the time the next Super Bowl comes around. Maybe Wilma McNabb should let the team make their own Campbell's Chunky, so they get a better understanding of how long two minutes really is.
The Patriots retain this spot only out of respect for everything they have accomplished the last few years. The list of reasons why the Patriots should be done is long: Losing both coordinators off a team that thrives off of coaching and phenomenal gameplanning, a workhorse running back who is going to be 31 years old, and a defense that lost its leader (Tedy Bruschi) and its most talented player (Ty Law) are a few of the logical reasons that this team should be destined for a fall. However, this is a team that for years has defied logic, and there appears to be no reason for them to stop now. I expect Bill Belichick to be a "genius", and Tom Brady to "just win", and David Terrell to be "rejuvenated", and the defense to "make big plays", and every fan outside New England to "want to puke".
If these guys can avoid the Patriots in the playoffs, they stand a very good chance of representing the AFC in Super Bowl XL. If not, the Colts' management needs to sit down at the end of the season and seriously consider switching to the NFC. Seriously though, the league knows that the Patriots and Colts aren't in the same division, right? I understand that the league uses its two "extra" games to pick interesting matchups, but after three straights years of playing the Patriots in Foxboro, can't the Colts claim cruel & unusual punishment? And yes, it is very intentional that the entire Colts paragraph is about the Patriots, much like the Dungy/Manning Colts will be defined by their inability to beat the Patriots. As far as the 2005 Colts are concerned, the offense will continue to break records, the defense will continue to suck, and the only way to tell Tony Dungy apart from Herm Edwards will be the little blue horseshoe on his sweatshirt.
I'm formally declaring myself the driver of the Kyle Boller bandwagon. I know he's sucked for two seasons, but I'd like to see you try to get the ball to Travis Taylor, Kevin Johnson, and the other "receivers" they've had in Baltimore the last two seasons. Jim Fassel might be the most overqualified coordinator in the NFL, so don't be surprised when he helps four-time Pro Bowler Derrick Mason and rookie Mark Clayton transform Boller into a star. Jamal Lewis is going to have a lot of aggression to take out on opposing defenses after 4 months in prison, and the defense should continue to be one of the best in the business. Combine the league's best D with a surprisingly above-average offense, and you have my pick for Non-Eagles 2005 Super Bowl Champion.
With the moon waning on Randy Moss' time in purple, we will finally get to see the truth about Daunte Culpepper. And the truth is... without Moss, Culpepper is still one of the five best QBs in the league. He's still big, fast, and cannon-armed. Sure, Moss made things easier for the offense, but Culpepper is more than capable of leading the new Vikings offense. The Vikings defense will be MUCH improved with Darren Sharper, Freddie Smoot, Pat Williams, and various linebackers whose names look vaguely familiar. If these guys had a real coach, they'd join the Eagles as the class of the NFC. Unfortunately for Vikings fans, they have Mike Tice, a coach so stupid he got caught SCALPING SUPER BOWL TICKETS last season. Can you imagine a Mike Tice team beating the Eagles, the Panthers... hell, even Denny Green's Cardinals in the playoffs? I can't.
Jake Delhomme is the most underrated player in the NFL. That's right, I said it. Everyone noticed how fantastic Muhsin Muhammed was last season, but the fact is that Delhomme put the Panthers on his back and carried them the second half of last season. He's a leader, a warrior, and a pretty good quarterback, too. Not only that, but he speaks with a totally sweet Cajun accent. If the Panthers can keep a few of their top five running backs healthy this time around, and their defense can stay healthy, they'll be visiting Philly for the NFC Championship Game.
The Steelers are undeniably a good team, but I don't see this Steelers team ever being better than they were last season. The loss of Plaxico Burress will hurt Roethlisberger by taking away his safety valve, even if he is replaced by the greatest NFL Street player in history, Antwaan Randle El. If Staley gets hurt again, I don't see the Bus carrying this team for another half a season, and the defense, while still good, will probably not be able to match last season's phenomenal performance. Playing in the toughest division in the NFL will not help.
Jay Fiedler will turn out to be one of the best offseason pickups when Chad Pennington goes down with his inevitable shoulder injury. Laveraneuausauaus Coles is a step up from Carlos Santana Moss at wide receiver, as long as his broken, arthritic toe doesn't cause any problems. This team is primed for a big collapse one of these years, when Curtis Martin learns that it's not good to set a career high in carries when you are 31 years old, and Pennington's arm just pops off when he tries to throw the ball farther than 20 yards, but I don't think it will be this year. The late addition of Ty Law makes this team a Super Bowl contender; there is no ceiling on how dominant a motivated Law will be, not just against the Patriots, but against every team that wouldn't sign him to a big contract.
If Rex Grossman stays healthy, this is THE surprise team of the NFL in 2005. The defense looks primed to follow in the footsteps of the 2003 Panthers and 2004 Jaguars in making big plays when it matters. Rex Grossman will be a very good quarterback if he can stay healty, Muhsin Muhammed showed last year that he can handle being the only receiver on an NFL offense, Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson are one of the best running back tandems in the league... this team will surprise a lot of people. Alternatively, Rex Grossman could get hurt after four games, as he has during his first two NFL seasons, and then this team will still surprise a lot of people, but then the surprise would be "Chad Hutchinson is starting for an NFL team? Really?"
This offense might be the best in the league, if they didn't play four games against Baltimore and Pittsburgh (and Cleveland, for that matter). Chad Johnson is the best receiver with gold teeth in the NFL, Rudi Johnson is a top running back, and Carson Palmer is ready to make The Leap. For some reason I really want to see this team succeed; if for no other reason than to have both wild card teams coming from the same division. In the end, their schedule will probably do them in, but the Bengals deserve to be a playoff team.
Can we make an agreement from here out to refer to the starting quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons as "Captain Ron"? Reports out of Falcons' camp are that the young receivers are playing very well, and that Cap'n Ron still can't hit a target smaller than TE Algernon Crumpler. Has someone investigated the phenomenon of NFL players having a disproportionate percentage of goofy names like "Algernon" or feminine names like "Shannon", "Kelly", or "Tom Brady"? My theory is that these men were mocked so viciously throughout their childhoods that they worked out until they could crush anyone who so much as giggled. Also, if your name was Algernon, would you abbreviate it to "Alge"? Isn't that worse? And, since this is theoretically about the Falcons, Jim Mora Jr. is one of the great young minds in the league. He took what had been an average defense, and without changing significant personnel, made the Falcons a defensive-minded Super Bowl contender. That's coaching, folks.
Someone has to win the AFC West. The Broncos will have an excellent running back, even if Mike Shanahan hasn't decided who he is yet. I predict that Jake "the Snake" will play well enough to get them to the playoffs, but inconsistently enough that they will get blown out by the Colts. Oh wait, that already happened. Twice. More importantly, why aren't there more people (in the NFL, and in life) with nicknames like "the Snake"? The Broncos run defense should be much improved, after they signed all four starting lineman away from the Browns, who had the 32nd best run defense in the league last year. On second thought, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Why would they do that?
Someone has to win when two NFC West teams play each other, right? So why not the Cardinals? I realize that's not the most compelling argument for a playoff team that you've ever heard, but it's better than anything the Rams, Seahawks, and 49ers have going for them. The Cards have a fast, improving defense, and three very good receivers who can run down the field while Kurt Warner gets sacked and fumbles. It's probably not going to be pretty, but the Cardinals will still be there when the playoffs start. Rookie RB JJ Arrington from Cal will be the Offensive Rookie of the Year.
Notice to all fantasy owners: you CAN NOT overvalue Randy Moss or Kerry Collins (and Jerry Porter and LaMont Jordan won't be bad either). TERRIBLE defense + strong-armed but foolish QB + unbelievably talented receiver with a chip on his shoulder = 20 TDs for Moss, and at least 30 for Collins. These guys are going to have to score 35 points a game in order to win, and I think a lot of the time, they just might be able to do it.
Let's be honest here. You don't care about the Texans. I don't care about the Texans. The Texans aren't going to do anything interesting this season. Let's just move along.
Memo to all sports writers: Byron Leftwich is a pocket passer. I know that he's a large black man, but that doesn't mean he can run like Culpepper or the black Irish QBs (McNabb & McNair). People are so astonished that he's not mobile, his reputation is starting to exceed the truth. He's the slowest non-lineman in Madden 2006. In Leftwich's own words: "I'm not a mobile guy, but I'm not the slowest QB in the league. I'm just the slowest BLACK QB in the league." I'm glad that we got that cleared up.
In other news, the Jaguars will only go as far as Fred Taylor's groin can carry them... which looks to be about... POP! The defense is solid, anchored in the middle by John Henderson and Marcus Stroud, and the offense will get four or five spectacular plays out of rookie Matt Jones before his body snaps in two, because white people don't come that big and athletic.
Bill Parcells put the majority of his work into reshaping the defense from an undersized 4-3 unit to a more athletic 3-4. Then, apparently because he had forgotten that he has to play offense too, he ended up with Drew Bledsoe as his quarterback. Picture Drew Bledsoe, standing behind a pretty bad offensive line, waiting for Terry Glenn and Keyshawn Johnson to get open... I'm sorry, there is no way this is a playoff offense. I don't care if the defense holds every opponent scoreless, and scores a touchdown a game... Drew Bledsoe is not taking this team to the playoffs.
The hardest team in professional sports to predict. I could easily see Marc Bulger throwing 5 TDs against the Patriots one week, and 5 interceptions against the 49ers the next. One thing is for sure: they're going to beat the Seahawks. Twice. And Mike Martz is going to pull some crazy shit, and then get really defensive about it. I'm still waiting for the day that someone tackles Steven Jackson by his flying dreads, which is COMPLETELY LEGAL! Marshall Faulk is officially "a shell of his former self". The Rams are a fun team to play "Name a defender" with: We've got DE Leonard Little, who's been convicted of DUI manslaughter twice, and is not in jail, and SS Adam Archuleta, who was a big hitter four season ago, before his back gave out. Can YOU name anyone else?
Can someone explain to me why it was necessary to trade Travis Henry? I know he wasn't happy about Willis McGahee taking his starting spot, but the fact is that McGahee has played less than a dozen games since missing a season and a half with the worst knee injury I've ever seen in my life. In fact, let's not think at all about his leg bending completely the wrong way when his knee was struck by a 250 pound man. Let's just think about an excellent defense, spectacular special teams, a potentially great running back, and a rookie QB. Hey, it worked for the Steelers.
The Lions were better than people thought last season, and they made solid improvements during the offseason. The real question with this team is how many of the three receivers that have been the Lions last three first round picks will still be healthy by the time Jeff Garcia takes over for Joey Harrington (or as Steve Mariucci calls it, Week 3). Shaun Rogers, at tackle, is the best defensive player that you've never heard of, and this team has the talent to be a surprise contender. I can only pick one team to be a sleeper in the NFC North, though, and I already took the one with the great defense, without the quarterback controversy, and without a proud history of losing.
Why can't this be a playoff team? They have a very respectable defense, a very good rookie running back, a holistic healer who used to be a Pro Bowl running back... and either AJ Feeley or Gus Frerotte. Has AJ fallen that far that quickly? He's gonna get BENCHED for Gus Frerotte? REALLY? They couldn't get Ty Detmer? Whoever ends up throwing the majority of the interceptions, I think the Dolphins will still surprise people; they're not going to the playoffs without a QB, but they won't be two free wins for the Bills and Jets. Just ask the Patriots.
I hate Jeremy Shockey. Nothing makes me happier than seeing him get hurt and continually fail to live up to his potential. As much as it pains me, Eli Manning looks like a pretty good NFL QB, but these guys are still one Tiki Barber injury away from an 0-16 season. Plaxico Burress is a big target, but I don't think he's going to be quite the same without 4 time Pro-Bowler Hines Ward across the field from him. And while Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora might be the best pair of defensive ends in the league, I don't think there's even a backup end on the roster; what happens when Strahan doesn't recover from his torn chest muscle, or Osi trips over his own last name?
The Saints make me cry. Every year I think they're going to finally break through, that this is going to be their year, that all that talent HAS to make a playoff team, right? And this year is no different: Coach Jim Haslett has decided to focus the offense more on Deuce McAllister and not let Aaron Brooks throw games away. However, this is the year I draw the line: I'm not drafting Donte' Stallworth, no matter how fast he is, and I'm not picking the Saints to make the playoffs. So there.
The defense got a much-needed talent infusion in the offseason in Patrick Surtain, Kendrell Bell, Sammy Knight, and Derrick Johnson. However, I have a feeling that this might, ironically, be the year that the offense begins to show its age. Priest Holmes will not finish the season, the line is getting ancient, and Trent Green is 35 years old. At receiver, they signed The People's Champion, FredEx himself. Also, they drafted a guy named "Craphonso Thorpe". Heehee. Wouldn't it be fun to see the Chiefs' defense finally become respectable, just as the offense is struggling... but wait... here comes Craphonso to save the day...
Romeo Crennel has already started to completely remake this team in the image of the New England Patriots, with the goal of taking the Browns to the Super Bowl within 5 seasons. I think he's taking it a bit far, though, with the signing of Trent Dilfer, who he clearly expects to get hurt around week 4 or so and have another Tom Brady appear from the bench. In a different division, the Browns would have some serious sleeper potential, but in the AFC North, there's no hope of anything other than some moral victories. I have seen three different writers use a "Wherefore art thou, Romeo" joke while writing about the Browns, and NONE of the three understood that "wherefore" means "why", not "where". This makes me angry.
Extra Credit Challenge: can you think of a better euphemism for a bowel movement than "taking the Browns to the Super Bowl"? (hint: this is impossible).
Isn't it wonderful how much Brett Favre loves to play the game? You can see it in his eyes every time he takes the field that he's just like a little kid going out back to toss around a ball with his friends. As long as he still has that joy in the game, he should keep playing the game. Having a quarterback who loves the game is much more important to the Packers than having a quarterback who, I dunno, doesn't throw 4 interceptions in a playoff game, or who tucks the ball and slides into the end zone rather than tosses it away after crossing the line of scrimmage.
The 2005 Packers are headed for disaster. Everyone knows that they are not the Super Bowl contender they were a few years ago, but I think these guys are destined for an epic collapse. The defense is not going to be able to hold opponents below 25 points, which means that every game will come down to Favre being able to throw for 3 to 4 touchdowns. Those of you who have seen this team the last few seasons know that when Favre is forced to take the team on his shoulders, they generally lose big. Humorously bad defense + dangerous gunslinging quarterback = lots of 35-20 losses.
At what point does Steve McNair stop being a "warrior", and start being Steve Mc-IR? I know the guy is tough, and I have everlasting respect for any man who needs horse tranquilizers to be able to play a football game, but at some point the human body is no longer able to play the game. The truth is, these Titans aren't going anywhere with McNair; it would be better for the franchise to see what it has in Billy Volek, or foremer Heisman winner Jason White. I can't see any Jeff Fisher coached team having a truly terrible season, but can you name anyone on the Titans defense who's not Keith Bulluck? I can't.
How quickly things change in the Not For Long league. A year ago, this team was a joke: Drew Brees was a failure, LaDainian Tomlinson was stuck on the worst offense in the league, and Marty Schottenheimer was a terrible coach on the hot seat. Now, Drew Brees is the franchise player, LaDainian Tomlinson spearheads one of the better offenses in the league, and Marty Schottenheimer is a terrible coach with a 4 year contract. Can't we all just agree that last season didn't happen, that Drew Brees really is terrible, and that the Chargers are the worst team in what might be the league's worst division?
Please raise your hand if you don't want to see a guy nicknamed "Cadillac" succeed in the NFL. Michael Pittman, put your hand down. I thought so. Unfortunately, the Buccs are in that fun zone between rebuilding and contending. On offense, they have a bunch of young talent, like Carnell "Cadillac" Williams and Michael "Dodge Viper" Clayton". But on defense, they still have talented veterans like Ronde "Mini Cooper" Barber, Simeon "ATV" Rice, and Derrick "Hummer H3" Brooks. I don't know which direction this team is going, but I can't imagine they'll be contending for another Super Bowl in the lifetime of that defense. They should just commit to rebuilding, or at least naming all of their players after cars, and sacrifice today for a better tomorrow.
I know he's a Hall of Famer. I also know that Joe Gibbs is an embarassment as an NFL head coach at this point in his life. If he didn't have a Hall of Fame resume that he was tarnishing, I would STILL pity him because he's so clearly a confused old man who has no business running a football team. The offense is going to be a disaster, despite having a solid QB in Patrick Ramsey, one of the three best backs in the league in Clinton Portis, and two of the shortest receivers in the league in David Patten and Carlos Santana Moss, because Gibbs' playbook consists of like 5 plays, none of which fit the skills of any of his players.
I just have a feeling that this team is going to DROP in the standings this year. Until they DROP Mike Holmgren, this team is never going to be a Super Bowl threat. The defense should experience a significant DROP in pass-rushing ability now that they have DROPPED Chad Brown and Chike Okeafor off the roster. Hopefully, DROPPING Koren Robinson will reduce the number of passes that the Seahawks receivers DROP. Oh wait, that one was actually in the right context. Watch for an epic collapse this season in Seattle.
It's rare in the NFL for one team to be truly great or truly awful two years in a row. However, this 49ers team is exceptional in many ways. They will be relying on a rookie quarterback, with terrible receivers, a mediocre line, and a barely average running game. The defense will be better than the offense, but that is mainly because it is impossible to be worse than the 49ers' offense.
The only question with this team is what they are going to do with NEXT year's number one draft pick, when Matt Leinart is the best prospect to come into the NFL in years, but the 49ers already have their QB of the future. Of course, I am now accepting bets on how many years it will take until we can look back and say that 2005 was not only the first time that two players from the same school were taken #1 overall by the NFL and NBA, but also that two players who truly suck were taken #1 overall by the NFL and NBA. Let's put the over/under at three years.
Phil Katz Last modified: Wed Aug 10 12:12:47 Eastern Daylight Time 2005