december 3

talia and i had the best conversation in the sun lab... i feel like we were acting out some modern social experiment - we were sitting next to each other, at adjacent computers, typing messages to each other. we could listen to the other person's pauses, sighs, laughter... i scratched my head and then wrote to her. we'd turn to face each other and talk that way, then drift back somehow. it's funny the different ways you can communicate, the things you can say in written form that you can't verbally... finding the right words, being clear, having time to say what you want to, feeding off of each other differently. the tech was the means, and the whole scene was quite funny. holy late 90's, batman.

we talked about lots of things, mostly branching from how we see the world, how we think we're the only ones who think the way we do. each person has their own way of thinking, and yours may be quite different from someone else's, and yours is valid for you, but you have to be responsible for your thoughts and actions. we have to be satisfied with ourselves and the way we see things, we have to accept our own beliefs as true for us, and that's what matters most. we ask for tolerance from other people. the scariest thing about ourselves are the things we don't like to admit to, that we are ashamed of.. our own hatred, our own fear. we can't completely erase hate... it is a part of us, and we have to recognize it. there are beasts in the pits of our stomachs.

we said that we admire people who say what they mean. we like seriousness. there can be too much of it, too, but it is necessary to keep the faith in humanity being. sometimes i don't get the cynical humor. sometimes i don't catch the subtleties of communication. it makes me feel kinda... dumb. but it is how i am, with whatever sensativities i've got.

it's a lot like what scott was telling me about a while back... an educational philosopher-type saying that we eventually reach a stage when we realize that there is not just one way of living, nor is everything completely and hopelessly relativistic - we each have our own way, with much in common, and our way is good for us.

so i am learning to be satisfied with my way.

i rearranged my room, and it feels good. i blame the craziness on the full moon.

12.01 | december | 12.15