my biggest fear actually is being over-educated. to step away from the web here for a moment... going to a fancy boarding school, an expensive college, traveling the world, it all gives you vast amounts of ideas and raw data from which to craft decisions and opinions, influence emotions, find love, hate, a place to live for the rest of your life. so much to think about, even if you have free time. so you slow down... ok, sit on your couch, stair out the window. you are a poet, a romantic, you see vast abstract things out there, you smell the subtle smells. then you think about what you are to do after you get up from the couch. there is a daily routine. why? because outside that routine there are a million and one possibilities, one that, if you saw them raw, would paralize you and probably depress you, no matter how thrilling they are. there are just so many options. you know too much.

the other problem with knowing too much is over analysis. instinct has been rather lost, sadly. we are human, we pride and distinguish ourselves on intelligence, homo sapiens and all, and when someone does something illogical it's awfully wierd. he is asked to explain himself. he has troubled others. he says "i don't understand why i did it either.. i just did." and what can you say to that. nature took over for a little while, snuck into a civilized brain and got reaquainted. if we always stop to think we will probably be perfect citizens and damn boring lovers. if we never stop to think we will do nothing. so there is a balance. i'm still looking. there are lots of case studies, lots of stimuli out there. i haven't read too many books yet.

so you look at the web. lots of ideas, experiences, pieces of data whose synthesis might bring you closer to understanding yourself and your surroundings. lots of pretty grains of sand to roll in and see what sticks.

the way i see this vast world of information, ethereal or physical, is as a large sky of little tiny worlds. if you try to look at them all you'll go crazy. so you back away, slowly, relaxing the muscles in your body, letting all the stimuli wash away, keep backing away... until you are outside the chaos looking in, and you can see the patterns, the big swirling masses. there you are you, and whatever is inside you is true, and who knows... maybe you'll write a prose poem about it and put it on the web.