Funny...thinking back to 4 1/2 years ago coming in as a freshman, I remember planning on becoming either an engineer or going the pre-med way, listening primarily to heavy metal (shout out to Metallica!) and hip-hop and rap (yeah Busta Rhymes!), and not in the least thinking of doing anything seriously with (classical) music. I remember then, most composers meant very little to me; I knew their names, and perhaps some of their most famous pieces, but otherwise I had no concept of who they were, what their music was about etc. I had very little clue what terms like sonata or concerto were (in fact, when I auditioned for the Philadelphia Youth Orchestra/Young Artist Orchestra the first time and failed to get into either one because my audition pieces were too simple, I asked my teacher if I could learn a more serious piece. And when he said that I could start the Haydn C major concerto, I sceptically asked him "is that really a good piece to be auditioning with? Is that really a 'serious' piece?").

And here I am now, 8 months out of college, and getting ready to audition for music programs, constantly going into work late and leaving early to make room for lessons, rehearsals, and concerts, almost exclusively listening to classical music. I don't exactly know what it was that triggered such change in attitude. Certainly a big part of it was the experience of playing chamber music, particularly with the Midnight Quintett; another big influence were the teachers and musicians I was in contact with at that time: Vivian Barton, my teacher, Tony Barone, for many years chamber music coach, and David Szepessy, also chamber music coach, and teacher for a summer. All three of them had such an extremely pure and humble outlook towards music and taught with such inspiring spirit... And, I should not forget the Philadelphia Youth Orchestra (which I ultimately managed to audition into my sophomore year at Swarthmore), and the first time we rehearsed Brahms' Symphony No. 3 in F major. F, A-flat, F - that is the powerful opening to the symphony, three chords (and the pervading motive of the entire symphony) that left me completely speechless like nothing else before, three chords that will never, ever be forgotten. I sort of consider that moment to be the turning point in my musical development; and Brahms, needless to say, has since evolved into somewhat of a hero of mine and definitely my favorite composer. In fact, that very symphony - also my favorite - has very much personal meaning to me now.

Perhaps it was also the fact that I always was a quiet person with a naturally weak voice stuck behind a language barrier (I lived in Austria until I was 16, having only started learning English at age 14) and thus found it difficult at times to express myself, and music proved to be a way of resolving that feeling of being trapped.
But whatever the reasons and influences were, they have changed my life and brought me towards finding a goal for myself - to immerse myself into the world of music performance and to share with other people this sense of awe I have for music.

It certainly won't be easy, of course: I'm not exactly the most talented musician, I'm behind in my musical education compared to other similar-aged peers (for example, I recently heard that the Philadelphia Orchestra had hired a few soon-to-be-Curtis-grads, who probably aren't much older than I am). But, in some sense, the very act of being a musician is the reward that I really look for (as long as the side effects of it do provide enough for a home and food, I suppose), so perhaps there is hope for me after all. To quote Tony Barone: "There's only one way to find out." Tony, I intend to!