The Postal Man

A parody of The Highwayman by Alfred Noyes

The wind may remind you of darkness among the gusty trees,
The cold of a ghostly galleon, sailing on sub-zero seas,
But, whatever the weather, you can count on the postal corps.
The postal man comes riding-
Riding-riding-
The postal man comes riding, up to your own front door.

If you spend the month a-shopping, with your MasterCard in hand,
If you buy books and clothes and gifts – a few more than you'd planned,
When you've used up all your money on those impulse shopping thrills,
The postal man comes riding-
Riding-riding-
The postal man comes riding, bringing all your bills.

You donate a few dollars, and they promise privacy.
They only loaned your address to that other charity.
Give to your Alma Mater! Give to your Congregation!
The postal man comes riding-
Riding-riding-
The postal man comes riding, bearing a solicitation.

Sometimes you think that you'll receive a letter from a friend,
Or finally that package! You've been waiting without end.
On the day your hopes are highest, it happens without fail:
The postal man comes riding-
Riding-riding-
The postal man comes riding, with nothing but junk mail.

They offer free trial issues, money back without a doubt.
But after several copies, you can't stand to be without
Your Popular Mechanics, Cooking Light or Seventeen.
The postal man comes riding
Riding-riding-
The postal man comes riding, with another magazine.

Perhaps your day was crummy. Perhaps the weather's bad.
February's like that. Cold and wet and dark and sad.
Here comes a Valentine's Day treat that's sure to see you through:
The postal man comes riding-
Riding-riding-
The postal man comes riding, with Valentines for you.