dreams: Thursday, February 1, 2001
oranges in winterI'm at a special gathering with lots of tables at night. There is a lecture/discussion about the importance of eating fruit during the winter season, especially oranges and other citrus fruits.
Phoebe's trendy apartment and fat boyfriend John and I are visiting Phoebe in her apartment where she lives with her boyfriend. It feels so different than what John and I are used to. Phoebe feels very separate from us. Her space is all very upscale, with lots of blue colors on the walls. It is very clean, trendy and kind of clausterphobic. It has lots of contemporary art. Her partner is a man who is famous. He has grown fat because "he doesn't run," according to John. They have different ideals. It's all in how things look.
on a date, my right side is numb I'm in a little office (supposedly at Sevenoaks, although it looks different). Two older men are here with me: Jeff Fishel and a man I just met. We're talking about my plans for the future. One mentions my idea of being a painter (not the artist type but the practical type that paints walls). It seems like my choices have potential.
Then they leave. A moment later the new guy knocks on the door. I open it up and am happy to see his distinct face. We hug and he comes back in. There is sexual energy between us.
We go off together on a sort of unspoken date. He's driving us in his car. Something feels weird in my face. It feels tight and numb. I look in the mirror and see that the right half of my face has gone completely numb. When I try to smile, only the left half responds, while the right half stays totally blank. I can't feel anything on the right half. Plus, the area up around my upper nose/cheek/eye (right side) has gotten swollen. It now looks all puffed up on that side. It really worries me.
We're in the downtown plaza in Ashland at night. I see my date standing over by his car; he's wearing a long muted-green coat that goes down to his ankles. There are cops standing around randomly. I see a sneaky little guy slip over to my date, reaching into his coat pocket to try to steal something. I'm shocked that the cops are right there yet don't try to do anything. I run up to try to protect my date. The pickpocketer is now reaching up into the collar, trying to get everything he can. I shoo him away, telling him to scat.
Suddenly the pickpocketer is now a dog. The dog is abandoned here. It is ferocious and does NOT like women. My date decides he has to take him home with him and adopt him, since he was just left alone here without an owner. Yet he can't go in the car with us because he is threatening me too much. The dog is black and white, on a leash. My date ties his leash to the passenger-side door handle from the outside (my side). We're now driving, with the dog running alongside the car. I'm concerned, wondering if the dog will be able to keep up with us from the outside, or if he is now getting dragged along.
I look in the mirror and see that my face is still puffy. It feels really scary to me. I think about how it's on the right side of my body, thus it may be revealing something that's going on in the left side of my brain: where my tumor was. I get extremely worried. I think about how I might be on the verge of death. This could be the end of my life.
We're now pulling out of the plaza, driving slowly still. I'm sitting in the passenger seat, and I look over at my date. He is now partly a woman who has long, curly, black hair. I tell him/her that I have something very important to discuss. S/he grabs my hand and looks incredibly emotional and excited, starting to cry. S/he says "Yes, I too was wondering when we were going to get married!" But I stop him/her, explaining that I wanted to talk about something else. I tell him/her about my face, pointing out how one side is numb and puffed up. I say I want to go to the hospital immediately. We're now driving that direction anyway, going towards the north end of Ashland.
Somehow we end up at my date's house instead of the hospital. I've just taken a shower and am drying off my body. I'm glancing at the two or three cream-colored terry-cloth robes hanging up in the bathroom, wondering if I can borrow one. I see that my dates shares this apartment with Shana Cooper. I see a picture on the fridge that is a map of Europe; it has photos of people's faces in certain parts of the map. There is a picture of me in Germany. Phoebe and John are further north, nearby... I still want to go to the hospital to check out my face.
Later, I'm telling Mom and Phoebe about the dream I just had. Phoebe had a similar one. We're both drawing them out. There are similarities. I'm emphasizing the importance. I'm acting frantically stressed. Mom stands up and suggests we do some core energetics and/or attunement (Pathwork exercises). She's standing up with bent knees, a straight back, a relaxed body, etc. I say NO. It's more important for me to record my whole dream before I forget. It also has something to do with sweets. There are brownies fresh out of the oven. I eat one as I draw. Phoebe goes to another part of the house, since we want to draw our dreams separately and then compare them to find any similarities. Katie Holden is standing over me, doing something with my hair. It is soothing.
secret drumming Karl and I are together secretly. We are in the downstairs of a building at night. We are going to drum together.
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