I go into the bathroom that's attached to my room. It's also
all yellow. The mirrors are dusty. I now have the perspective of
the violating woman from earlier; it's back in time, when she was here.
I know that I want to mark up the
mirrors.
I want to paint "TWO LOVERS" on the mirror, and it will
be in the form of two fingers in brilliant red and a red heart + "ers."
It's for me (Maya) to see when she/I gets back. Now I'm Maya, forward
in time when I'm first seeing the room. I look at the mirror and
see the number "2" next to red breasts ("titties," I think in my head),
representative of the same concept I had as the "woman." I'm mad
and hurt.
[Interp: Two parts of myself are struggling against
each other in this dream. The sculpture in the very beginning is
perhaps symbolic of this conflict. It shows a face that is merely
a mirror reflection of the same side, which makes it then lose the
core substance of their image (nose, lips, center, etc.); the sculpture
is a contrast to a real
person who is not always completely symmetrical,
often with different identities within themselves. In the dream I
like the sculpture because its face shows two identical parts, which is
an escape from the the frustration I later feel when two oppositional
personalities seem to battle each other (the two are actually both
pieces of myself). The concept of duality is also expressed in both
forms of graffiti in the last scene of the dream, since "two" is
a part of both, one as two fingers and the other as a number, 2.
Those two struggling identities are 1) myself, Maya,
who goes from the museum to
the bus to the dorm room, and 2) the "violator woman" who rummages
through the briefcase and then leaves marks on the bathroom mirror.
While the first has is seen through my own eyes, in my perspective,
the second is seen as a separate person until the end, when I slip
into her viewpoint for a short period (in the bathroom).
The "me" that I can easily relate to is the
one who is very aware of what's going on around me, especially of
others' opinions and desires. When I first get on the bus, I'm
embarrassed to go the wrong way, and then I politely let the other
people take their seats before me; I then submit to a man
who wants to "see the sweets" (a comment that would offend
me in waking life). In fear of being left to sit alone at the
diner, I leave my bag on the seat, which the other woman then
digs through. That makes me feel violated, bringing up emotions of
anger and frustration (a feeling of being a victim to other "women").
Those same emotions are provoked when I enter my dorm room, for I
feel like my space wasn't respected when another woman crossed the
boundaries into my room, leaving her mark in it.
The other second
perspective -- the "violator woman" -- is strong and expressive, not
afraid of what others think and willing to leave her mark wherever
she goes. She's the one who digs through "Maya's" bag, and then
later she leaves a graffiti mark on the mirror of the bathroom. I think
this identity is simply another part of me, although I'm only willing
to see from her perspective at one point in the dream: when I am
leaving the graffiti mark of "two lovers" on the bathroom mirror.
Here I am able to acknowledge and carry out my wish of self-expression,
not afraid to leave a piece of myself (as "art") on the walls, almost
like I'm staking my claim on the place.
This dream shows the conflict between two parts of myself that
have opposite characteristics. Perhaps it can be interpreted as my
struggle to find balance in these polar desires, emotions, behaviors, and
personality types, to harmonize the yin and yang of who I am. While in
the dream I am
more comfortable with the first perspective, it also causes conflict
to stay in that manifestation of myself, causing fear, frustration and
anger. I then explore a different way to be myself, for in the other
woman I am able to express myself and not care what others think of me.
What is the meaning of the two forms of graffiti left on
the bathroom mirror? Both are expressing the same concept:
"two lovers," although "Maya" sees it in a different form than the mark
that the woman left it. The symbols are not the same, although both
utilize parts of the body (a hand/fingers in the first and breasts in
the second). Perhaps the perspective of Maya interprets a woman's
breasts as somehow equivalent to the idea of lovers, or to
a heart + "ers." Maybe she sees the "titties" as a form of patriarchal
pornography, an objectification of the female anatomy -- thus it makes
her feel violated and "hurt." Could this be showing the
confusion regarding relationships (an entanglement of love, lovers,
the heart, the body, two people in relation to each other)?]
- FIN -
The rooms are giant and
open, with hardwood floors and high ceilings. I'm jotting down the
name of an artist and their works that I like. One artwork is
especially meaningful to me; it's the sculpture of a face (an Asian
man's?) that is smooth and pale pastel colors. The usual center strip
of the face (nose, lips, etc.) is missing, as if it's just a
mirror reflection of one side -- pressed up against each other. I'm
touching it, really impressed with the artist's unique idea. The center
rises up almost to the nose, but really it's just a ridge with a
crease in the center.
