dreams: December 23, 1999


surrendering to my death

She is dishing out a candy mix to share with me and others. It has bits of dried strawberries and chocolate. It tastes good, but I don't want as much as she gives me. I go to the bathroom to change; I need to get ready for my flight, which is very soon. I'm running short on time. I look at my watch. It is 7:15. My flight is at 7:21. I still need to participate in the group activity.

I'm with lots of others. Jonathan Goldman is here. I step up to go first, before anyone else, since I'll need to leave soon. But before I'm able to go, someone else goes before me -- she looks like the red-haired Ashland girl named Dana. Then I realize I'm going to miss my flight. So I decide to go ahead and participate in this activity anyway. I run forward across the long stretch. [It's like bowling but with my body instead of a ball.]

I know I'm going to die. And that's okay; I'm ready to let go and give it up and move on. Right before I reach the end I see an explosion of light in the sky that appears to be Jesus Christ's face. Then other visions of fireworks shoot through the sky. I run forward to make the big jump of surrender, because I now have total faith. I have a small flash of seeing Mom discover the change after my death.


watching a young man's attempts at seduction

I'm in class at Swat. I'm sitting in a dark room with some other students. They are all male and younger than me. We are waiting for the professor to do something; we're all going to participate. There is strong flirtation going on between me and the guys -- lots of sexual energy. One classmate is an athlete. He is near me. He unbuttons his shirt to reveal his muscular chest. I sit and watch. He then unzips his pants and pulls out his penis, now slightly erect. He pulls off his pants (still wearing his boxers) to show his muscular thighs. I observe, kind of attracted but also not really wanting to do anything with him. His actions feel too fast and forward for me.

Then we all have to go into the other room to do something else. So the guy next to me quickly pulls his clothing back on, and we have a long moment of looking at each other before leaving.


timed short stories

I have to write four short stories. I'm with others. We have a limited amount of time. It's like a test. Each story is supposed to be about a different character; their names are given to us. I'm writing, but I feel so rushed by the time limit that I don't feel like the quality is very good.

I walk into the room and see Alex Hanzlik sitting cross-legged on the floor. It looks like he's waiting for something. He's wearing a light dusty-brown gown, and he has long dark hair and a beard. He's trying to be Jesus.

Troy is here. His name has a formula with four elements determined by the fact that he's Jewish-Polish. He comes up behind me and puts his arms around me. Other people are feverishly writing their stories.


a cross-country trip and a purple face

I'm sitting at a table with a friend at Swat. We're looking through a magazine and talking about making a trip across the country to get back home to the West coast. I explain that I can take a train ride, choosing to stop off wherever I want to, spending several days on the journey. Jessica Lane is at the next table. Nooshi is here somewhere too.

There is a drip from the ceiling right above me, and I keep getting drops of water fall directly onto me, which is annoying. Flipping through the magazine, I see a closeup photo of a girl's face. Her skin is a deep purple, and she's wearing a turban/scarf around her head.

- FIN -


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