technology and my brain: the cons
Slow-release pills infilterate my brainwaves.
Without them, I enter a different realm.
(Like I'm having one big deja vu.)
I'm standing at the edge of a cliff.
When I peek down, I can see a seizure waiting to make me jump.
Prescription drugs hold my feet to the ground.
Are they preventing me from flying?
Could I be an eagle soaring through the clouds of my own enlightenment?
Am I surrendering my reality to an artificial, fear-based chemical?
Who am I without Carbamazepine?
When I step back and evaluate the role of technology in my life from a wide
perspective,
I can see that taking a prescription medication every day is not in
total alignment with my personal values. My first hesitation is that I am putting an
unnatural, manufactured substance into my body several times a day, which has
already been documented to have carcinogenic effects
(7b). I was born into this life with the gift of
a healthy body, which like my brain, I regard to be a temple
for the divine energy of my Higher Power. Ideally, I only want to ingest unprocessed substances that
are in direct relationship to the Earth as possible. The Tegretol pill, made of hard plastic,
obviously violates this goal.
Taking this issue a step further, past the physical into the philosophical issues,
I must
ask myself if it is even necessary to prevent the epileptic seizures from
occurring in the first place. Before I had identified my "hallucinations" as epilepsy,
I remember having positive feeling associated with most of the experiences; they took
me into another mental state that felt totally authentic and valuable in its own uniqueness
(before they got so frequent and disorienting in the later stages).
As Adrienne Richards points out, albeit some cultures throughout history,
such as those of western Europe, have seen epileptic seizures as evil,
"others saw the seizures as the potential for great spiritual healing and divination"
(6b). The author explains that in
those particular societies, epileptics were trained for "these great callings" instead
of being medically treated. Thus instead of being considered a disease, the seizures were
actually seen as a gift. Neurologist David Bear, M.D., proposes that epilepsy
has contributed to "transcendant artistic production," which is corroborated by the
fact that Van Gogh, Dostoyevski, St. Paul, Moses, and Mohammed were all known to
be epileptic, possibly enhancing their life work (6c).
Indeed, it is very fascinating for me to explore the connection between
spirituality and epilepsy. A group of neuroscientists at the University of California
at San Diego studying the brain patterns of certain epileptics reports that those
who suffer from a particular type of seizure have an unusual number of spiritual
experiences and visions, since they are both activated in the same brain spot:
"Measurements of electrical activity in the brains of test subjects
indicated a specific neural center in the temporal lobe that flared up at times when the subjects
thought about God. This same area was also a common focal point overloaded with electrical
discharges during their epileptic seizures" (6d).
This point in the brain could be acting as a sort of antenna into the astral, picking up
the energy circuits of the celestial realm.
I have thought about the possibility of my seizures acting as a form of spiritual channeling,
since the experiences have sometimes felt like another being has entered my
consciousness (hearing voices and music, feeling jamais vu
and/or deja vu, having a shift of sensory perception and bodily sensitivity, etc.).
A number
of other worldwide belief systems throughout history support this theory.
In the context of Ayurvedic medicine, epileptic seizures could be
regarded as an uncontrolled expression of spiritual energy, much like the practice of
Kundalini Yoga. Traditional Yoruba healers in Nigeria consider epileptics to be chosen
by God as trance-mediums. In Cuba, the santeria belief system trains people with
epilepsy to control their seizures in order to become important healers. Many other
cultures also view seizures as signs of being blessed by the spirits and called into the role of
a healer, such as African tribes, the American Navajo nation, espiritismo in Puerto
Rica, Brazilian coboclos, and shamans
(6e). These beliefs certainly make me question the
philosophy in today's Western culture that views epilepsy as a disease that must be
fixed and treated through medication.
This society tends to act mostly from the left side of the brain: scientific rationality
over relational intuition.
Mainstream health care is a clear example of this imbalance.
Addressing the current practice of western medicine, Adrienne Richard writes, "The
mind has been split from the body; the emotions from the mind; and the soul or spirit
has been excluded altogether" (6f).
Looking at these splits and exclusions, one could argue that this field has
gotten its priorities mixed up, turning away from
the actual holistic healing of the human body, and more towards
the dominating forces of our capitalistic economic system.
Pharmacies play an active role
in how physicians choose to treat their patients, as companies are constantly
developing new drugs for every possible ailment.
As Norman Cousins writes, "Indeed, the overreliance on exotic and expensive technology may be one
of the major problems confronting modern medicine" (6g).
Materialism governs medicine through
the devolopment of technology: new prescription drugs. Yet these treatments only seek to mask the
symptoms.
I do not want to
be separated and divided, regarding my mind as a thing separate from myself
that can only be treated on the
physiological level, under the ruling forces of technology. I do not want my beliefs to be governed by false
dualities and limited to the power of one side: left brain.
I am seeking to learning more about how my brain works, what my mind holds, the role of
technology, and the divine purpose of my tumor and my epilepsy.
Therefore at some point
in my life, I hope to be able to stop taking Tegretol in order to gain a fuller understanding
of all parts of myself, bringing them into communion. The seizures could perhaps
help me explore my mind to a deeper level. I will not make this decision
until I get guidance from my heart, fully trusting that
I am ready and that the universe protects me in the journey.
"A culture that upholds material wealth and technology as its only
sustaining values worships death and stagnation. A culture that allows
violence, materialism, and technology to determine its priorities
devalues life and the spirit, and leaves no room for mystery, dreams,
and growth."
--Carl A. Hammerschlag, M.D., (6h)
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