Dreams: July 25
I'm in a big room that has an indoor track. A ceiling-high wall lines
the inside of the track, creating a grey, oval, walled-in area in the
center. A game/exercise/race is going on. I'm part of it, as well as a
number of others, almost all young men and boys (many are high school age).
We are running around, but not as a group. Each person is at their own
pace, their own spot on the track. I'm not really taking it seriously;
I'm just doing it for fun. Bow S. is standing on the side. There are
specific little commands we have to follow, such as having to run
backwards for a number of the laps. I seem to think that I should be tired
now, out of breath, but I'm not yet.
I can feel that it's getting near the end b/c some people pick up their
pace -- a group of high school guys (Jamaal? John Jarrell?). There are
four laps left. The next instruction has something to do with a greeting
card, finding and carrying one for the last few laps. I run around once
without one but then see a box of cards, new and covered with clear plastic.
I grab it and open it as I run. I pull one out. It has a colorful
picture/cartoon and a long piece of blue writing on the front. At first
I think it's religious, like a quote from the Bible. I see the word
"affirmation". Then I realize it has to do with alcoholism. It's also
funny and makes me laugh. I wonder what it says on the inside, but I want
to concentrate on the race right now. I clutch the card in my hand
for my last 3 laps.
I'm running as fast as I can and see that others now are too. I'm on my
last lap. I see the finish line (where I started) up ahead. I pass a
little boy as I sprint toward the end. As I reach the line, I kneel down
and touch it. I call out "the end! I'm done!" really loud. A millisecond
after those words come out of my mouth, the boy I passed does the same,
crouching at the finish line and yelling the same words. Only a fraction
of a second after that, I hear the same cries from over on the other side
of the track (where others started the race), where a couple boys just
finished. But it's still clear that I won the race. Bow and everyone
turn to look at me, and he congratulates me.
I have severe self-doubts
and can't believe I won. I feel guilty because I realize I must have
miscounted the number of laps I did (22? 24?) or something. How could
I have won? I tell Bow that I took some of the first laps pretty slow,
stopping between some of them since I wasn't taking the race seriously
-- thus maybe I didn't really win the race.
Bow says that it's okay, I'm not the only one, and I still won. I try to
explain my other excuses for why I think it could be a miscalculation
and I didn't really win or run the full race, but Bow insists I did.
I'm surprised.
Now, I'm driving a car with some others. I'm thinking about the race, looking
at the winding road in front of us. It looks like we're in the mountains,
and there are tall green trees lining both sides of the road. I'm thinking
about the race I just ran. I wonder
to myself if a race would be easier to run on a road like this rather
than a track. It seems like it would be more interesting on the road,
instead of running
so many monotonous laps on the same little track. But then I realize that the
track is flat, while this road goes up and down, which could be harder.
Then we drive by a big cream-colored building on the left, back from the
road a ways. There's a driveway leading to the building, and I see
Thomas Milsom and a group
of other guys on the porch/driveway area. I wonder what the building is.
At first when I look, it appears run-down and decrepit. But as we pass,
from another angle it looks like a fancy marble mansion. A section of
the front wall sticks out a bit, a rectangular, marble awning or something.
On this section I see 3-D marble lettering (not painted)
that says "PLAYBOY". The
lettering is almost subliminal, carved outward in the marble, catching
light only for a second as we pass by in our car.
I tell the rest of the people in the car that Thomas and the gang are at
"Playboy". I wonder if it's a club, or Hugh Hefner's palace, or some
other place. Maria (from Swat) is sitting in front, in the passenger's
seat. We all start talking about Thomas. Maria says something about him,
how he can be "rough". At first I think she probably only knows him as a
friend. Then she says they used to be together. This is surprising,
for I can't quite picture Maria and Thomas together as a couple.
The car finally reaches our destination. We pull into the driveway of
a big home and stop. We all get out of the car, and I go inside the house.
I need to change my clothes, so I dig through a pile of my clothes on the
floor.
I put on sweatpants and a swimsuit. I pull on a tight white T-shirt over
it, but as I look in a mirror I see that it doesn't look good on me.
Plus, I remember how hot it is outside and want to wear as little clothing
as possible.
NEXT,
I'm sitting in Mark & Ginger's yard in a chair. I'm on a tile
patio in front of their bedroom door, which is now a kitchen. I sit in
the chair and concentrate on something on my lap; I'm reading or writing
or doing some art project. My chair is only feet from the door, facing
the house.
Mark comes out and begins talking to me. I'm half-listening,
but mainly just focusing on my project. He ducks back into the house and
then comes out with something in his hand. He gives it to me to smell.
It's a deep-dark green leaf that's dry and crinkly and crunchy between my
fingers. It has a rich sharp fragrance. At first I think it's some
herb that he's using to spice up a meal he's cooking. Sage? Oregano?
Then I take another deep breath. Its smell fills my nostrils and starts
to change a little. It is still sharp, rich and distinct, but now
more familiar. I keep smelling it, and I realize it's marijuana, although
the leaf doesn't look like it.
FIN